New Eyes;New Life

My life was in turmoil a little less than a year ago. The devil had worked his way into my veins and taken complete control of my life. I was addicted to heroin. I was lost and searching for a way out. My soul was black with guilt and isolation. I no longer had a sense of direction. I was in jail and I was alone. I was in full blown withdrawl from the drug. My grave had been dug and I was lying in it waiting to be buried, But just as the first shovels full of dirt were thrown on me, something amazing happened...I hit my knees and I prayed. I didn't even know if I was doing it right. I just talked to Him and told Him that I was out of options, that I surrendered to his will and I needed help to let go of my lifestyle and the people in it. I prayed for Him to heal me, to take my sickness away, I asked him to forgive me, even though I didn't know how to forgive myself. I begged Him to help me. I sobbed because I was so sick and I felt so guilty and I knew that if He didn't help me, nobody could.
I was not aware that anything happened at first, an angel didn't come out of the sky and say "Your healed and there will be no more trouble for you in your future"! But something did happen. The next day, when I had to start facing the consequences of my choices and the dirt continued to be thrown on me, rather than letting it bury me, I had the strength to push it below me and use it to climb away from the grips of everything that was not God. I made a commitment to myself and to God that I was never going to go back to that life again. God had answered my prayer. He gave me strength and hope. I was given another chance to live. He loved me when I couldn't even love myself, He believed in me when nobody else did. So I leaned on Him and I made him my co-dependant. I decided that I had to believe in something or I wouldn't believe in anything. I let go of everything else...I mean everything. My husband, my aqaintances, I had been evicted from the place I had lived while in jail so I didn't have anywhere to go when I was release. I cringed because I didn't know what I was going to do. I thought about a discipleship program through teen challenge but that was a little much for me to swallow. So I prayed about it. I prayed that God would give me somewhere safe to go, somewhere I could get my life in order; away from everyone. A couple days later an older woman was brought into the jail. We got to talking and she told me about this place called the Serenity House, a sober living facility. I needed to fill out an application for admittance, I had to have two months clean and I had to be in a treatment program. They did weekly drug tests and I would have accountability if I were able to go there. I didn't even think about it. I put a request in immediately to my probation officer and asked for an application. I figure that by the time I was released from jail I would have exactly two months clean, part of my probabation terms was to complete out patient drug counseling at a treatment facility, so that was covered. I sent the application out with a letter telling them about everything I had done and what I was facing. I told them that I needed help and I didn't have anywhere else to turn. I told them that I had been in and out of jail for the last 5 months because I kept relapsing. I didn't hear anything from them for the next two months. I stayed in an anxious state almost the whole time. I was released from jail on a Saturday December 5th and went to stay with my husband and his grandmother out in the middle of nowhere, it wasn't the best situation because my husband was still using and I had to deal him lying and telling me that he was clean, and I had to deal with the jealousy I had towards him because he was still able to use and not have criminal consequences. I still wanted to get high, even though I wanted a different life. That's the mind of an addict. But I stayed strong while I searched for a solution. Then I got the call from the Serenity House, Monday December 7th,we set up an interview December 14th and I moved in December 21st. My prayers were once again heard and answered.  I started my life there like I had just been born...because I was, I had been made new, I had been given New eyes and a New life. I struggled with letting go of people in my life that had been there for years, but I had too. I knew that if I tried to stay clean around the same people who I used with I was going to end up right back at the bottom of that grave. And that is where the real journey began...in a sober living house in the middle of downtown.Thats where God let me start over.
 Join me for more of my story next time :) May God Bless you and Keep you....